DS Consulting

19th April 2022

5 tips for better listening in meetings.

Some neuroscience facts to aid your focus for listening to others and remembering

A Pointer’s focused attention – curtesy of Unsplash

Language processing for the brain is highly complex

Here are some facts to explain this:

You have two ears and most of you are able to hear fairly well. When people are talking at the same time, or there are multiple voices (radio, TV or announcements) in earshot, your brain is not equipped to process all of what they are saying.
You have two eyes and many of you can read well. Yet when you read, notice how you hear your own voice in your head (using that language circuit) and so, other voices around you, e.g. talking over a power point presentation, will be difficult to process or you will miss what you are reading.
When you write you also hear yourself in your head and so, writing and listening to others is over-loading your language circuit. This means both the notes and what’s being said will be poorly captured, understood or remembered.
Ever heard this said “I can’t hear myself think!” Now you know why. Your thoughts also use the brains language circuits.

(There are many videos on language processing on You Tube you can watch to learn more about this)

What does this mean for your world of work or study?

The secret to effective listening and therefore, remembering is paying focused attention. Not really a secret, but lets see how you can improve the listening and understanding experience.

5 tips for better listening in meetings or for group learning.

Be disciplined about not speaking over others, or allowing others to speak at the same time. Having a person in charge of this can be helpful. I meet many people who are enthusiastic to get their point across and think they will forget it if they don’t say it there and then. When everyone is more focused, when they know they will get their turn and are patient, it calms down the need to butt in. You can still be passionate with you view, when it’s your turn!
Discourage people from writing while others are speaking. Encourage people to wait. As mentioned earlier, when people write they are in their heads and not fully hearing what is being said.
When a speaker is finished, have the listeners summarise what they heard. One by one they can also ask questions and get clarity. This is where the understanding happens, where misunderstanding can be clarified, details added or explained some more and a group gains a consistent message or instruction.
Some up and agree as a group, key points, actions, learnings and outcomes of the topic. Everyone contributes to what these are, one by one.
Now you can write. These outcomes can then be written down by each attendee and captured for the group as a follow up to reference next time.

As a leadership and Neuroscience coach listening is a key skill to develop and it’s hard work. Yet it is crucial to building relationships, rapport and trust. This disciplined approach, above, takes effort and for mastery takes practice and patience. The result, less mis-communication and high quality outputs from meetings.

Contact me for coaching or assistance with this skill and others that will enhance your leadership qualities.

9th February 2022

Getting to the heart of what’s on your mind

Including a case study using Dr David Rock’s SCARF Model

A recent coaching session and my client (let’s call him Jim), turns up (on zoom) in a less than positive mood. His body language is the first clue. He wasn’t as ready as usual to engage. Eye contact was fleeting, and his stance was slouched and lacking energy. After the usual pleasantries, I was keen to hear what has been happening and how things have progressed. I adjusted my energy level, tone and enquiry to match what I was sensing, that something was bothering him.

Noticing body language

Jim thought I hadn’t noticed his mood and was surprised I had picked this up so quickly. We humans do this all the time. We sense and draw conclusions. Some are better at it than others, some are wise enough to what they are sensing; and some have little awareness of their own state, let alone that of another!

The situation – a team restructure

Jim is a senior manager, with structural changes in his team on the Exec’s. agenda. His is not the only team being reviewed, though it has come as a surprise as the team and company have performed well. He was waiting for the Exec. to respond to the ideas he and his team have put forward. It might appear obvious what was bothering Jim, but some deeper exploration helped to reveal more specifics. So, we examined the situation in terms of the SCARF model.

S.C.A.R.F. a model from Dr David Rock

The model is based on brain imaging results. These showed direct brain activity of threat (through the release of adrenaline and cortisol); or reward, (when dopamine, oxytocin or serotonin are released) in relation to these five SCARF areas.

The SCARF model in action – a case study

When in limbo

As Jim waited for the decision, an assessment of the SCARF model revealed he felt his Status (how he is valued) was at risk. Thoughts around, what if his ideas were not given credence? How would that make him look to the Exec and his team?

Certainty was one of the big issues for Jim during the waiting period. This is because your brain stimulates strong alarm signals (fight or flight symptoms) when unsure.

Jim felt that Autonomy was also feeling jeopardised as the decision was now out of his hands, he had minimal control.

Jim described the Relatedness area as wavering as he had good relationships with most of the Exec. It could change depending on how they handle the messaging of the decision. If done badly or thoughtlessly, even the ‘best’ decision could cause the Relatedness area to be bruised for some time.

As for Fairness, Jim was pleased to have been listened to so far.

Getting the desired outcome

By putting a situation that generates feelings such as, comfort, joy or happiness into the SCARF model, it can show how the situation is having non damaging or boosting effects across the five SCARF areas.

If Jim’s ideas are taken on by the Exec, he said he would feel that his Status (how he is valued by others), will be in a good place, maybe enhanced even.

His sense of Certainty (uncertainty is one of the brains biggest ‘threat’ stimulators), would be clearer and this would be a relief.

His level of Autonomy (the amount of control in the situation) would be in a better place, so focus and direction could be worked on.

Because you and I are ‘wired’ to sense if others are a friend or a foe, Relatedness with the decision makers according to Jim, would be stable. How the decision was made, with his team’s views being considered also sat well within Jim’s Fairness assessment.

What if it doesn’t go his way?

Jim’s reaction, messaging and behaviour, will impact his Status with others. Jim has ‘Autonomy’ over his behaviour and reactions. Yet, how can he keep the Relatedness area in a positive place with his team?

We explored several potential decisions and how his team member’s own SCARFs may be impacted. This allowed for exploration into shifting a person from a ‘threat’ response (e.g. blame, anger, defensiveness) to one that finds opportunities. Jim gained confidence and courage through this preparation for the more difficult outcome, should that be the result. This confidence fed positively into his Autonomy needs.

The Headstrong Coaching Programme

The SCARF model is one of the tools referenced in my ‘Headstrong’ Coaching programme. To find out more about this programme, as an individual or as part of management development for your business, email: dominique@reachnewheights.co.uk or click here for more information

8th December 2021

How Can Leaders Cut Down Workplace Loneliness? Read on.

Loneliness is not seasonal but often highlighted at this ‘Merry’ time of year.

In many parts of the world Christmas time is a set of days when there is a bombardment of festivity. A period where expectations are raised. A month with pressure to be joyful. A chapter when bereavement and loss are reawakened. And, in 2021 a time with pandemic uncertainty continuing to impact how we spend our time.

Defining loneliness

It can be hard to explain, some researchers define loneliness as perceived social isolation, a feeling of being unconnected from or not connected at all to the social contacts we desire. From a neuroscience perspective, we are wired to survive through human connection. Survival has been achieved through social group connections – we are stronger together!

This matters as it has been shown in Studies that a prolonged sense of isolation (triggering stress hormones and chemicals) will impact health and wellbeing, maybe more seriously than drinking or smoking.

Some stats on loneliness

This chart (sourced from The Jo Cox foundation) shows stats from 2017, naturally not including the impact of Covid. These stats plus Covid restrictions, make it even more likely that someone in your team or organisation have, are or will experience periods of loneliness; and Christmas time is known to exacerbate this.

According to the data below, if your workplace includes: 17–25-year-olds, anyone with a disability, a parent or carer there is a high probability that quite a few of them may feel lonely. I think I can safely assume that other personal situations (e.g. age, gender, race, addiction) that have not been mentioned can also contribute to these feelings.

What’s the impact of loneliness for business?

Monetise the following and the cost to business becomes clear. Isolation or a sense of it causes withdrawal from a group or organisation. This tactic is a protection strategy from further rejection. A sense of disconnection leads to reduced commitment, innovation and collaboration. Through feelings of not being connected to or being cared about by others, the work suffers in both its quality and volume. The energy and distress that comes with ongoing loneliness also leads to absence and errors.

A personal loneliness experience

I have certainly had painful moments of loneliness. One of my moments came from the break-up of a business and partnership. For years I carried a lot of guilt and shame about the business loss and betrayal from the partnership aspect. I ‘felt’ I had no one to turn to, I did not want to share the failure and potential judgement with friends or colleagues. Family was impacted and seemed too close, so I ‘believed’. For many years, despite battling on and getting through, I still ‘felt’ different, stupid for letting this happen and embarrassed. My confidence in my judgement of situations and people was hit badly. It took the work I do now (a career change of decades) to help me make proper use of that experience and what I could learn from it.

How leaders can identify loneliness and act to reduce it

Building psychological safety is a big part, that generates safe spaces for sharing. How can this be achieved? It takes time, you need to:

Get to know your team as individuals, discuss (yes, talk!) about each other’s experience, successes, challenges, past failures. Listen to and share family situations and the pressures or joys that may be present there. Acknowledge birthdays or special events. Doing this regularly through one to ones helps make vulnerability acceptable and builds trust.
Get the team to know the team, similar to above, build a habit of sharing thoughts and feelings in a respectful way. Teams that know each other can help spot when somethings different and raise it appropriately, rather than it going unnoticed.

Questions to aid identifying loneliness and help find a way forward.

In a perfect world…

How could the working environment be improved for you? This question can highlight how office layout, home working, working hours or geography for example, is impacting a person.
What ways of working in this team would keep or increase your motivation? For example, the reward mechanisms of a team can make a difference (commission structures, can shift healthy competition to underhand behaviour), how you communicate, protocols and processes, vision and goal clarity.
What would change to really help you thrive in this role/team? This question opens the door to how people behave, the culture, the norms, what this person values.
What can I do to be even more helpful to you? A question that recognises a leader’s role in shaping a team and treating each person as an individual that is cared about.

Are you lonely? Have you tried these?

If you are lonely, this link gives nine ideas to experiment with, especially as, if you do nothing differently, nothing or little is going to change.

What about Christmas time?

And lets include other festive occasions, if working from home remains or someone is away a lot?

I asked some valued connections and based on having done the ground work of building trust a few ideas came through:

Enquire into when people get lonely and if that occurs, how you can help?
Let people know you are there and can be contacted even outside of ‘office hours’.
Have some organisations (these may help) to hand that people can reach out to, they may prefer that.
Invite people to meet up socially (in person or virtually) and if they say ‘no’, gently double check that is really what they meant (it can be hard to say ‘yes’ sometimes). It shows you are making a genuine offer.

How I can help

Why not enquire about My ‘Head Strong’ Coaching Programme? It provides a leadership experience enhanced with brain insights? Clients say how much it helps them deal with their challenges as leaders.

25th November 2021

Why management development matters?

How would you reply?

I was recently asked to contribute to an article on this subject and was delighted to have my contribution published in digit’s blog. https://www.digits.co.uk/lms/the-importance-of-management-training/

Here’s my perspective

Management training with the right content provides a vital opportunity to nurture, sustain and develop an organisation’s culture. It matters because leading and managing others can be tough. It requires many challenging conversations and decisions. That means, to handle these well, being able to think clearly, logically, and compassionately when under pressure. After all, who thrives under a stressed manager? No one!

What can management training help with?

What can management training help with? Communicating your team’s work and direction, ways to enable your team to bond and support each other, how to give each member your individual attention, and feedback. Then there’s the other stuff – reporting, strategising, analysing information, networking and keeping up to date with your industry. Often management training involves processes and policies too. These are all important yet it’s ‘how’ the ideas in training are applied that makes the difference. This requires emotional awareness and intelligence.

It’s all about the ‘how’

In my experience, the ‘how’ sets the tone for an organisation’s culture. A style that triggers fear or overwhelm encourages errors and absence. There is much neuroscience that can be applied to leading. What creates fear or threat? How to create psychological safety and creativity. These, along with skills such as listening to understand and personal awareness with psychometrics, aid the positive impact a leader has on others.

Let’s not forget the phrase ‘behaviour breeds behaviour’! Management development and coaching can create leaders that we’d want others to copy, and healthy and inspiring cultures

Want to collaborate?

I’d like to hear your thoughts too! And if you’d like to discuss the impact your management development is having on your culture, get in touch Dominique@reachnewheights.co.uk

10th November 2021

‘If you don’t have self doubt, you’re not trying hard enough’

Wow! This quote sparked so many thoughts and ideas! My brain lit up with excitement as it began to explore this idea from part of an interview with Grayson Perry in the Telegraph (link included). In this blog you’ll find two models that can be applied to understanding your confidence levels.

The questions that came up.

What does this mean for my work and your work? How am I or you reacting to your times of self-doubt? When has self-doubt pushed me or you to research more, prepare better, to check again? Has self-doubt caused me or you to overthink, withdraw, hold back, not ask the question, not listen, be over confident or be over taken other’s opinions?

Two models

Away I find useful in my client work (and for myself) is to look at moments of doubt through a few lenses. One tool I use is the MTQplus (AQR International). A highly researched psychometric which looks at ‘ingredients’ that impact our mental toughness. These being Control, Commitment, Challenge and Confidence. Rating yourself in these areas creates strong conversations for development. Another lens comes with the use a model from my neuroscience studies – The bottom up, top down, inside out model (Dr Sarah McKay). Both models can be used for more than exploring levels and reasons for levels of confidence.

A model in action

Start with ‘bottom up’ – On any given day our biology impacts how we think and feel physically and mentally. How have you been sleeping, eating, exercising? How well are you? Have any colds or other illnesses been at play? Sometimes our doubt stems from our brains and bodies doing their best on poor fuel. Other times more energy is pushed to mending and healing.

Next, look at ‘top down’ – This is where we investigate and question beliefs and feelings on a particular situation. I had a client, in a senior role who was reluctant to challenge his peer’s points of view. Our session revealed they had a belief that as they had no academic qualification they had less authority to speak up. Challenging this belief by exploring their vast practical and in depth experience AND successes, help to shift this doubt and enhance their self esteem and worth.

Third step, ‘outside in’. Our environment and the personal circumstance impact how we deal with and react to situations. Where are we getting our information? What are the interests of those influencing us? Which life events are you drawing on? Is anything else happening that could be feeding how you feel or think about the ‘situation’? Inquiring into wider context aids you to recognise what is helpful, unhelpful, missing or even out of date.

This is a high level overview of the model. Coaching and application to an individuals and specific situations reveals it’s true impact.

What about high confidence?

The model above (and MTQplus) are good for this too! Exploring beliefs and influences on confidence. Noticing the impact of successes and high confidence on those around you. Staying humble?

Please contact me for more information on this and other ways I support leadership excellence.

Link to the Telegraph article

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2021/nov/09/grayson-perry-on-art-cats-and-meaning-of-life-if-you-dont-have-self-doubt-youre-not-trying-hard-enough